Instant Friendships

This cover photo is a perfect description of this trios personalities. Between Rowan and Aurora (the two oldest) their friendship is unique, innocent, and plainly said perfect. They couldn’t be any more opposite, the only thing remotely similar is shade of hair. They both are more blonde than brunette. But everything else from their personalities, their physical stature, their ways of communicating, and I would even say their interests (as best as we can tell for a 2-3 year old)

These two sweethearts are neighbors. And for whatever reason (mostly how busy life is) it wasn’t until recently that they (their moms) have gotten them together to hang out. And it was quite a beautiful thing when they did. It was an instant friendship.

Like I said, they couldn’t be any more different. But watching them explore and laugh and dance and stomp in puddles demonstrates something we can all learn something from. We don’t all have to be the same to learn and grow with with one another. We don’t all have to physically look the same to be beautiful. We don’t all have to communicate the same way to be heard. We don’t all have to be social to be friends. We don’t all have to spend years developing a friendship that you can see when someone is hurting and needs to be cared for, we don’t have to spend everyday together to be able to enjoy the day you do spend together.

These twos friendship is special and I am proud how they love. Let us all learn a little from Rowan and Aurora.

-Stephanie

all photos by: Frozen Moments Photography/Bethany Irick

In Front of the Camera Once Again

Yesterday, 24 March 2018, was a big day for me. It was the first time in over 4 years I was in front of the camera not toting around one of miniature humans. I have spent literally YEARS pregnant, nursing, and caring for my new babies and my big boy too. (Before you read any further I want to make a very honest and bold statement. This is my personal blog, these are my thoughts, this is about myself and my family, I am not trying to be hurtful to anyone or down play any other woman, this is me.) During those years, I ponder on many of the “what if’s” “What if I never get my top physique back? What if I can’t recover from this c-section? What if all that I ever am is a mom? What if motherhood is my ONLY purpose? What if all the years I spent training were for nothing? What if I can’t get back in shape? What if my husband doesn’t find me attractive anymore? What if my 30’s aren’t as successful as my 20’s? What if….

As women I know that it is a scary place to be in this world full of comparisons to other women. Who told us along the way that we had to compare ourselves to the woman next to us, to the women we see in the magazines or on the TV? Who said we had to be just like the generation before us? Who said those things? I will tell you “who” did, we told ourselves that! Surely the media, print, video, social media, give us daily or even minute by minute reminders that we just don’t add up. But it really comes down to how you view yourself that will actually determine your “what if”. After my babies were born and I was a whopping 240 pounds, the average weight of an NFL team is almost exactly that, don’t believe me https://www.bleedinggreennation.com/2016/7/20/12235242/nfl-average-height-weight-every-team-eagles-data-study-chart-philadelphia check the stats there! I was so depressed. I was waddling around my husband who’s weight is between 185-195. But looks and weight isn’t everything right? Of course not BUT I will offer this. I refuse not to be able to foot race my son down the street. I refuse to tie a towel around my waist while at the pool just to find the right moment to take it off before slipping into the pool so people won’t look at me. I will not set those examples for my children. My children will grow up remembering an active and confident mother. Not a mother who ever spoke about being insecure or self conscience about her body. Not a mother who just sat at the playground and cheered from the nearby picnic table. My daughter will learn to walk through rooms with their heads held high and shoulders pulled back. Walk across that room like every one is watching you and you don’t care one bit. My son will know how to push his body to train for that cross country ski race or hockey game.

So with all that being said, my next door neighbor, owner/operator/photographer Bethany of FrozenMoments photography asked me if I would do a collaborative shoot with her. My heart STOP literally! I never thought I would ever get in front of a camera again, well not unless it was standing with my three kiddos in front of the moose exhibit at the Anchorage zoo. I never thought I would be in front of a camera that wasn’t attached to my handy smart phone. Modeling was a thing I did years ago. It went away after I had two babies in 13 months in my thirties. Now, I am the one piece, c-section, mom of three mid-thirty year old. I do not pose wearing scantily clad attire in front of a camera to capture this new body/shape I am rocking. And then I woke up from that self doubted lapse of judgement I was having and I agreed to do the shoot. But what Bethany and I agreed on was this, I wanted to be photographed as the woman that I truly believe that I am. This fierce and beautiful woman that has been given the best role in raising not one, not two, but THREE humans, I am a woman who has overcome more than I would wish on my worst enemy, I am a woman who will not hesitate to travel any distance for the one my heart loves, I am the woman that has the ability to inspire and motivate those who don’t have it in themselves, I am uniquely created, and my “imperfection” are just my exclusive markings. These things make me, ME. I wanted to get in front of the camera again, in this 34 years old body, after these babies, after the self doubt, after the bad thoughts, after the long depressing dark winter, after holding it down with my husband out of the country. I wanted to do this, again, for me. Because just like each of you reading this, I am good enough.

I want to encourage all of you to take a moment and think about all the ways you self doubt and self sabotage yourself daily! Think about all the times you look in a magazine or at a screen and compare yourself to another. Think about if you, in the skin you are in right now would walk across a pool deck on a summer day with crowds of people sitting there to see. How many of us reading this have ever said out loud in front of our children (even if they weren’t actively in the conversation) some form of self hate on your physical appearance? “the holidays were not good to me I have gained so much weight and now I’m too fat to wear actual pants, so leggings it is” “After I had babies I couldn’t get rid of this pooch” “Before I had you I was so skinny” These comments seem so innocent yet they are planting a seed in your young peoples minds that once we have children it all goes down hill from there. NEWS FLASH, it doesn’t have to! I am not blessed, I don’t have 1 extra hour in my day to workout, I am just as average as the rest I just chose to #1 Love myself in my current skin #2 decide that I want to be better=stronger, fitter, and faster!

I challenge us all, to love ourselves a little more, Love each other a little more. And stop hiding in those pictures! Be proud of the person you are and be fierce!!!

~Stephanie

Photographer: Frozen Moments Photogrpahy, Bethany Irick

Hair & MUA: ShamariVanity

Sometimes motherhood sucks

I am just as guilty as the next of posting mostly the very best photos of my children on social media. Why? Because they are adorable! And thank God for that!!! I really think God had a sense of humor when making babies, toddlers, kids in general so adorable, for the days like today! Days when you feel like nothing can go right. Days where no matter how hard you try nobody will stop crying. Days where your picky eater becomes even more picky. Days when your toddler chooses only to say “no… no…no”. Days when you desperately try to nurse your hungry baby who for some reason refuses to eat. Days when your 10 year old has to be reminded to brush his teeth, even after you tell him everyday, twice a day, for a decade. 

Today, was just crappy, did I mention it’s only 2pm? Loaded all the kids up, headed to my sons tutoring lesson. Everything was going “as planned”. By planned I mean, nobody pooped through their clothes, nobody was uncontrollably crying, I didn’t forget the diaper bag, and we made it on time. 

Tutoring went great, I read books to Rowan and Harlow in the waiting room while Anthony finished up. Then we headed off to the thrift store, because my son is quite the avid fisherman and he also is a junk collector. I did forget my baby sling, so I lugged the car seat drapped over my arm, and Rowan’s little hand wrapped on my finger, as we sooooo slowly walked up the three levels of other people’s junk. Anthony was in amazement with all the crap! (Side note I also love thrifting, alone, with a coffee in hand, and nothing else) this was far from that. We made it out alive with $53 dollars worth of his own money spent on fishing junk. I could hardly even talk him out of it. I told him if he worked for his own money this summer he could spend it as he wishes. So, we probably have some old dead guys dusty fishing gear. 

I decided I would threat the kids to Taco Bell. Because the choice to run into a new thrift store, pushed all our planned, “plans” back. So the next on the list is the grocery store. Didn’t want To go home for lunch, thought running to Taco Bell might expedite this dreaded process. 

I needed to nurse the baby too, the drive thru was INSANE. So I unloaded everyone again, to order “to-go”. This is where things started to get questionable. Harlow was HANGRY but what’s a mom to do? Whip out her National Geographic boobs in the middle of Taco Bell where all the local construction guys are laughing over their Chulupas? Not going to happen. I’m pro breast feeding, but not pro flashing myself, because this baby won’t “cover” her head. Rowan started to get super fussy! Then it happened, my adorable new “on sale” purse I bought strap snapped. While still holding the car seat I bend over to get the purse and my iPhone crashes to the floor. These sound petty I know! 

Finally, the order comes up. I carry the kids to the car. Thought anthony and Rowan could “picnic” in the back, while I nursed Harlow. Well,  now everyone is hangry. Rowan can’t get her food fast enough. It would have helped if they actually gave us her food. NOPE! So anthony goes back in. She’s in the back seat eye balling his food and I hear the crinkling of the paper. She dumps his tacos all over the backseat. Meanwhile, I’m unsuccessfully nursing Harlow. This pretty much turned into a small disaster. 

I come straight home with everyone screaming crying. Walk in the door. Changed two diaper. Put Rowan in her high chair, make her lunch. (Did I mention she refused to eat the food that I ordered that never came, that we waited on twice to get?) after Rowan was settled, I tried to feed Harlow again. Who is now far over being tired from screaming and trying to eat. 

THIS is real life. THIS is what it’s like to have little people in tow ALLLLLLL the time. It’s not having time to use the bathroom, always serving everyone before yourself. Its literally forgetting to eat, when I thought that would never be possible, it’s sitting in a parking lot of Taco Bell with you boobs out desperately trying to feed the baby while your other two ruin the back seat with spilled food everywhere. Motherhood is being so emotionally and mentally drained daily, but once everyone goes to bed and nobody is calling your name you still can’t fall asleep. 

The days aren’t glamorous, regardless what someone’s insta-story looks like. I get envious of my husband having his commute to work, the gym, alone, his ability to run into anywhere and grab anything alone, his ability to nap at any moment. It’s a different responsibility motherhood and fatherhood. And I’ve done both sides of it, stay at home mom, working mom, single mom, dual working…. it’s tough. But Not having adult interaction, or alone time can wear you down. Listening to books on tape in the car or kids nursery rhymes over whatever I want to listen too. lol Is it rewarding yes, or it can be. Watching their little faces when they are surprised, when they learn something new, when they hit their first home run, or pass that test they were studying for.
 I LOVE being a mother, it’s been the BEST thing I’ve done, but something motherhood sucks. Don’t beat yourself up over not being “happy” all the time. It’s hard! And don’t let people make you feel down and out for not being the picture perfect mom. I have my kids (at least, the very least, Harlow with me 23:15 out of the day!!!! She sleeps with, she is in my sling, she plays in the bathroom when I shower… but even the mommiest of mommies still need SOME time to themselves! 

Cheers to all you ladies out there kicking motherhood ass! 

~Stephanie 

Ps this is a quick, unedited, in the moment post. Sorry if it’s all over the place. 

Creamy Butternut Squash Alfredo

I was so anxious to try this recipe I found on Pinterest. There were some substitutions I made to better fit our family, such as coconut milk over dairy milk. It was quite simple and super delicious. You can make this vegan, whole 30, diary/gluten free, or you could had the dairy and regular pasta. Pretty much whatever works best for your family. 

We had ours with ground extra lean turkey and high protein pasta.

Ingredients for sauce 

• 4 cloves garlic
• 3/4 red onion
• 2 tsp fresh thyme
• 1 tsp Sage
• 3 cups cubed Butternut Squash
• Butter/ghee
• 1 cup coconut milk (canned full fat)
• 1.5 cups vegetable stock
• 1 Tbsp Butter/ghee

Optional ingredients 

• Ground turkey (extra lean)
• Bacon for topping
• Pasta

Steps 

1. Peel and cube Butternut Squash, boil until soft
2. Butter in pan add onion, thyme until it starts to brown then add garlic
3. Once your Squash is soft add it to the pan along with vegetable stock cook over medium heat until all is mixed
4. Cook your protein of choice I used turkey and cooked in garlic and kosher salt and pepper
5. Transfer sauce ingredients into food processor. Pulse food processor while adding the coconut milk
6. Cook bacon until extra crispy and chop
7. Add salt and pepper to taste
8. Mix the sauce over your pasta, I used spaghetti protein noodles
9. Add your protein into big bowl and mix all your ingredients 
10. Top with bacon and sprinkle of thyme 

Getting Touristy in Anchorage

This morning after my hubby and Anthony return from the night of camping we decided to head down to the Market in downtown Anchorage. It was a crisp over cast, but beautiful day. All the different aromas from the different food vendors blowing in the breeze. The eclectic swarms of people, blends of natives, tourists, and residents. The cruise ships were definitely in port! Tourists everywhere. We are, by no means, natives, but after being residents for the past year we have learned a little bit about the geography of southern Alaska. We absolutely love being here and still have so much more we hope to explore. I personally love the arts, food, and scenery here 😉 

1. 

Trip To Dairy-Queen for the Dairy-Free Family

The Tuesday following Easter I decided to bring the girls, mostly for Rowan, to a playgroup. We usually don’t have Tuesdays free because we take big brother Anthony to Science class, but dad took the duty of driving him. Rowan seemed to really enjoy the playgroup. I was a bit worried to let her run around without me closely watching her every move. I’m all about letting my kids play in dirt, drink from the hose, play with real tools, but something really bothers me when seeing the endless plastic toys scattered everywhere and thinking of how many slobbery mouths have touched those plastic blocks? How many dirty diaper bottoms saturated in urine have scooted across those fall mats? How many little kiddos have reached down their backsides, scratched at the pile of poo ripening in their pampers and reach back for the toys that my sweet sweet angel was just about to curiously put in her mouth? ughhhh just the thought makes me cringe.

Needless to say, playgroup was fun, for her. 🙂 As we walked out to our car I thought to myself, “can I really set aside my anxiety of dirty toys aside and let little Rowan Sage rummaging through the plastic paradise?” Fast Forward, Wednesday, Rowan has a fever and snotty nose. You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me. I don’t do sick kids. Anthony is the mutant child who never gets sick. But now my sweet middle child has “the works”.  Could it possibly get worse? If you asked me with the snotty nose and fever were the only symptoms I would have said, “not a chance”, I was wrong, very very wrong. Poor sweet petite Rowan got a terrible case of a stomach virus. We ended up bringing her into the base Emergency Room. The polite M.D. reassured us this was “normal” for most toddlers. At some point they get this. Of course the main concern now was keeping her hydrated. The poo waterfalls began to fall, and fall they did! We literally went through two sets of King Size sheets, 24 towels, two loads of toddler clothes, undocumented amount of disposable diapers, a couch cover, two throw pillows, and I personally had to change my own clothes 6 times. The poo was water and spilling out of the diaper down her legs. Even with our best efforts, her little bottom became very raw.

Her appetite was gone, her mood was sketchy, with all good reason, and sleep was broken down into short naps separated by long waking periods of pooping. By Saturday I had enough. Not enough snuggles with my sick one, but enough of the laundry, of trying to cook dinner for everyone else, enough of the crying between the sick one and the baby. I loaded the entire family in the car for a trip to Dairy Queen.  My thought process behind that was, everyone is such a good rider in the car, 40 minutes there 40 minutes back. I could get at LEAST an hour and half of peace.

I didn’t think through my choice in picking “Dairy Queen” when we have NO DAIRY in our house. Everyone really enjoyed their blizzards with the exception of baby Harlow. Of course I didn’t spoon feed her any, but as soon as I nursed her one side, she looked up at me and barfed more than a college kid at a frat party. I now had a break from the water poop apparel and now was the puke bandit. Was it a fluke? I changed my clothes and cleaned off the baby and sat back down to feed her the other side, and what happens, you guessed it. BARF! she went on to do this for the next two feedings. This is why I don’t do Dairy to prevent belly issues for the baby. WHAT WAS I THINKING? Clearly the long nights of tending to Rowan clouded my thought process. Along this bumpy road with the kiddos, I caught some sort of variation of the virus and threw up several times along with a fever. For obvious reasons, I wasn’t able to lay with my feet up and sleep it off. And now Nick has been down and out (and in bed resting it off) for the last two evenings. (of course Anthony slide by untouched)

It is now one week since my healthy child turned into one of the snotty nosed, fever, pooing kids, that the Dr. said is “normal”. I think from now on we will play in the mountains, creeks, lakes, and trails. I rather fight a brown bear than deal with that devil of a virus again. Happy to report, Rowan is eating and drinking and dancing again. And baby is nursing perfectly again.

Have any of you had a week of diarrhea hell? Any thoughts about the plastic paradise? leave your comments below!

Day 4

Dreadful, and for good reason! Tuesday has come and gone. It was a long day that involved a lot of baby carrying times two which resulted in entirely too much under boob sweat. Don’t ya just hate that? 7 am came quickly but I guess I wasn’t ready to get up because 9am quickly came too. And I did one of those Popeye looks at your phone, when squinting one eye helps ease into the brightness from the mini hand held computer. Except my Popeye eye went straight into two huge eyes fighting the glare from the screen to make sure I was reading is right. 9:10! Shitballs, we have to be at Science Class by 10 and the whole house is filled with sound sleepers. Until my feet hit the floor. You would have thunk the roof was about to collapse. Somehow I managed to get two dogs fed, let out, and one kenneled. Two babies changed and dressed, and loaded into car seats. Lunches packed, waffles into the toaster. And I still managed to repeat myself about 10 times to the oldest child about brushing his teeth! Grrrr (I wish he actually had a cavity, just one, because me threatening cavities if you don’t brush your teeth did NO GOOD, now he walks on the wild side and risks being yuck mouth at the dentist)  we made the 40 minute commute on the freshly powder coated streets to arrive 10 minutes late. My number one most HATED thing, tardiness! I practically pushed Anthony out the door and wished him well from my window as I drove off. Wanted to keep the car moving so the two princesses could get some rest.  Here is Alaska there are coffee huts everywhere. Every town is saturated with them. A little drive thru shot of caffeine. I went back and sat in the driveway and pumped. I didn’t bring my little cooler so I tossed the bottles in the snow. Anything we can further do to embarrass our kids right? I sipped my coffee while thinking “Dear mom driving your oversized SUV, mom driving your Subaru wagon, and not to forget the mommy in her double sliding door minivan, sipping on their coffees just as I am, I see you, cheers!  (he does science at another homeschool families house) Science is NOT a passion of mine therefore I do not enjoy teaching it. But I do love seeing the impressive projects they complete. In class today, they did some sort of structure design and he came out with toothpicks held together by dots. 

After science we did not have adequate time to make the trek back home before our 1 o’clock meeting. So we stopped in at Barnes & Noble. A baby changing pit stop and Anthony trying to get me to cave on some magic trick game, not today Little boy not today!  Then we went to meet with Anthony’s contact teacher. We are involved with a homeschool program every child has a contact teacher and they are the ones who review the work samples I submit or I send the progress report. A little over an hour there, discussing ways to get Anthony more excited about reading. We also believe there is some dyslexia going on, flipping the words, flipping the letters. That will be a focus point the upcoming weeks. 

Came home and our driveway path was still there from my shoveling the night prior. It was low key from there. More baby wearing while cooking and doing laundry. Ending the evening with snuggles and stories. Love these moments and these kids. 

Stephane ​

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Day 3

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Today we spent MOST of the day inside. I say most because after the foot and half of snow fall somebody had to go out and shovel. And of course Anthony spent MOST of his time outside. The snow is/was beautiful. Just the fluffy and dry snow that is actually fun to play in. The girls and I stayed in, I got Anthony’s school work samples and progress report grades ready for my meeting with his contact teacher tomorrow. I also updated my fitness group and did a LIVE FB chat with them. Lovely bunch of ladies. Anthony and I did a workout tonight and followed along with a video and Anthony asks me “why aren’t we sweating like they are?” Simple answer was we weren’t moving like they were lol. 

Missing my hubby, I was thinking about him while I shoveled the snow. Wondering if he was thinking of me and how I just might be piling huge amounts of snow into our yard. If Nick was home ​​I wouldn’t have been out there shoveling, so kind of him to do the grunt work, however, I loved shoveling. A mini escape from my kids (babies were napping and Anthony inside to inform me if all hell broke loose) I just shoveled and thought about him. 

Closing off the night reading about Knights and Castles with the kids. Check off our history lesson for the day. 

~S

Tomorrow is the dreaded TUESDAY 

Day two

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Today, ahhhh today was the very best! I’ve come to the realization that my life is exactly what I make it out to be. I know, I know, I have said it many times before, “live the life you have imagined” Thoreau quote. Which I love so much it’s tattooed on my forearm. But I can’t say I have completely lived up to this quote I “live by” and mostly because I was letting simple stressors dictate my entire day and attitude. If I didn’t wake up on time or get the kids shuffled through morning routines and chores I would instantly be set into this whirlwind of defeat. See my life isn’t an adventure everyday. We aren’t hiking mountains or dog mushing everyday. Most days are spent, driving 40 mins each way to science class, BJJ, Baby Gymnastics, Barnes&Noble, the homeschool center, field trips, doctors appoints, the vet (oh please let me not have to go to the vet again within the next 6 months) and each of those trips I have to back plan from the time we need be there to the time I need to wake up each kiddo. With the long commute into Anchorage, packing crap for three kids, and making sure I have my handy breast pump. We are looking at 2 hours just in logistics. So how do I “live the life I have imagined” on these mundane sort of days? I simply don’t stress it! I prepare things ahead of time, whether that be food, winter gear, packing my car etc. On days we don’t have anywhere to be we just take it easy. That might be wearing our pajamas the entire day, even under our snow bibs! I also have learned to not book anything on our agenda before 11 am if I can help it. Except scienc class on Tuesdays, 40 minute drive there, 1.5 hours waiting for Anthony to get done. And this Tuesday we are double booked. Science class at 10-11:30 and 1 pm meeting at the homeschool building. So my prior planning for this is going to be a trip to REI or Barnes and Noble between the two meetings because we aren’t driving all the way home to just turn right around. Great, I just reminded myself how busy TUESDAY is going to be. Wooosahhhh lol I’m going to enjoy Monday, and just have everything ready to go! Checklist in hand. But back to today. 

Today was a dream! Pure bliss (vocabulary word for Anthony this week) I snuggled my littlest babe until mid morning. Rowan sleeps in these days so she woke up mid morning. We all had breakfast. Then Anthony came back in because he is never inside, and he helped load our snow equipment. We took a friend of Anthony’s, London, with us to Cheney Lake. They ice skated while I trekked around with the girls strapped front and back. We saw a big bull moose. And came home. The babies napped, I prepped food for our week. Then Anthony and I did school work. Everyone was wide awake at 10pm. After I cleaned the kitchen we all came up to my bed and we finished school work. Going over Anthony’s vocabulary words “bliss” came up and he asked me what my bliss would be. I told him exactly what I was doing right then. All my little loves, healthy and smiling. We were not rushed, we were not shouting, we were not on anyone else’s schedule. 

So that is what I mean about my life I have imagined. If we want to do homeschool at 9 pm and wear pajamas all day than we shall. I have a selfless husband providing for our family, he is the main financial supporter in our family. And he is the main reason we have this wonderful opportunity to explore. Day two and I miss him. Not that we aren’t capable of surviving without him, it’s just life is a whole lot more blissful when he’s here. 

~S 

Ps the day wouldn’t be complete without a huge diaper blowout! 11:50pm/2350 

Day One

Today was the first official day that I did not talk to Nick. It was quite the day. I wanted to go to Play It Again Sports for some dumbbells. First, we hit up AT&T because that is the place a mom with two babies and 10 year old wants to go. And what should have taken 20 minutes took almost an hour and half. Grrrrrr grabbed some food, then went to PIAS. Tried on some ice skates for our up coming adventure. And came home. To find out the plow pushed a huge pile of snow at the bottom of the driveway. Had to get out of the car and shovel and then move nicks truck because I was sliding to hard to get into the driveway. We were inches from sliding sideways into the tundra. 

Tonight was bath night. The babies were so fun in the tub. After bath time I decided to move the bed into the corner to make more room and also add the wall to the side of the bed so Rowan can’t fall off the bed if she is snuggling with me. 

All in all it was a good day. 

~S

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