Sometimes motherhood sucks

I am just as guilty as the next of posting mostly the very best photos of my children on social media. Why? Because they are adorable! And thank God for that!!! I really think God had a sense of humor when making babies, toddlers, kids in general so adorable, for the days like today! Days when you feel like nothing can go right. Days where no matter how hard you try nobody will stop crying. Days where your picky eater becomes even more picky. Days when your toddler chooses only to say “no… no…no”. Days when you desperately try to nurse your hungry baby who for some reason refuses to eat. Days when your 10 year old has to be reminded to brush his teeth, even after you tell him everyday, twice a day, for a decade. 

Today, was just crappy, did I mention it’s only 2pm? Loaded all the kids up, headed to my sons tutoring lesson. Everything was going “as planned”. By planned I mean, nobody pooped through their clothes, nobody was uncontrollably crying, I didn’t forget the diaper bag, and we made it on time. 

Tutoring went great, I read books to Rowan and Harlow in the waiting room while Anthony finished up. Then we headed off to the thrift store, because my son is quite the avid fisherman and he also is a junk collector. I did forget my baby sling, so I lugged the car seat drapped over my arm, and Rowan’s little hand wrapped on my finger, as we sooooo slowly walked up the three levels of other people’s junk. Anthony was in amazement with all the crap! (Side note I also love thrifting, alone, with a coffee in hand, and nothing else) this was far from that. We made it out alive with $53 dollars worth of his own money spent on fishing junk. I could hardly even talk him out of it. I told him if he worked for his own money this summer he could spend it as he wishes. So, we probably have some old dead guys dusty fishing gear. 

I decided I would threat the kids to Taco Bell. Because the choice to run into a new thrift store, pushed all our planned, “plans” back. So the next on the list is the grocery store. Didn’t want To go home for lunch, thought running to Taco Bell might expedite this dreaded process. 

I needed to nurse the baby too, the drive thru was INSANE. So I unloaded everyone again, to order “to-go”. This is where things started to get questionable. Harlow was HANGRY but what’s a mom to do? Whip out her National Geographic boobs in the middle of Taco Bell where all the local construction guys are laughing over their Chulupas? Not going to happen. I’m pro breast feeding, but not pro flashing myself, because this baby won’t “cover” her head. Rowan started to get super fussy! Then it happened, my adorable new “on sale” purse I bought strap snapped. While still holding the car seat I bend over to get the purse and my iPhone crashes to the floor. These sound petty I know! 

Finally, the order comes up. I carry the kids to the car. Thought anthony and Rowan could “picnic” in the back, while I nursed Harlow. Well,  now everyone is hangry. Rowan can’t get her food fast enough. It would have helped if they actually gave us her food. NOPE! So anthony goes back in. She’s in the back seat eye balling his food and I hear the crinkling of the paper. She dumps his tacos all over the backseat. Meanwhile, I’m unsuccessfully nursing Harlow. This pretty much turned into a small disaster. 

I come straight home with everyone screaming crying. Walk in the door. Changed two diaper. Put Rowan in her high chair, make her lunch. (Did I mention she refused to eat the food that I ordered that never came, that we waited on twice to get?) after Rowan was settled, I tried to feed Harlow again. Who is now far over being tired from screaming and trying to eat. 

THIS is real life. THIS is what it’s like to have little people in tow ALLLLLLL the time. It’s not having time to use the bathroom, always serving everyone before yourself. Its literally forgetting to eat, when I thought that would never be possible, it’s sitting in a parking lot of Taco Bell with you boobs out desperately trying to feed the baby while your other two ruin the back seat with spilled food everywhere. Motherhood is being so emotionally and mentally drained daily, but once everyone goes to bed and nobody is calling your name you still can’t fall asleep. 

The days aren’t glamorous, regardless what someone’s insta-story looks like. I get envious of my husband having his commute to work, the gym, alone, his ability to run into anywhere and grab anything alone, his ability to nap at any moment. It’s a different responsibility motherhood and fatherhood. And I’ve done both sides of it, stay at home mom, working mom, single mom, dual working…. it’s tough. But Not having adult interaction, or alone time can wear you down. Listening to books on tape in the car or kids nursery rhymes over whatever I want to listen too. lol Is it rewarding yes, or it can be. Watching their little faces when they are surprised, when they learn something new, when they hit their first home run, or pass that test they were studying for.
 I LOVE being a mother, it’s been the BEST thing I’ve done, but something motherhood sucks. Don’t beat yourself up over not being “happy” all the time. It’s hard! And don’t let people make you feel down and out for not being the picture perfect mom. I have my kids (at least, the very least, Harlow with me 23:15 out of the day!!!! She sleeps with, she is in my sling, she plays in the bathroom when I shower… but even the mommiest of mommies still need SOME time to themselves! 

Cheers to all you ladies out there kicking motherhood ass! 

~Stephanie 

Ps this is a quick, unedited, in the moment post. Sorry if it’s all over the place.